so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize