i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
