The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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