her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
