when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
