dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
