It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize