So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
