I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
