You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
