hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
