It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
