worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
