my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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