good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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