I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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