hell yes lets make some ravioli
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
