I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
