I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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