What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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