I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
