Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
