i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
