I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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