white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
