Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
