They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
