I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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