glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
