these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
