you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
