I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
