i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
