He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
