I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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