She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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