it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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