I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize