Umm I'm too high to move.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
