.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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