the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
