I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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