Jerry, you need to find god
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you made out with another girl for some wings
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
