I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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