If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
