First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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