This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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