Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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