So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
