My hand turned me down
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
