his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
