Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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