Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
