Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
