Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
