The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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