she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
