I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
