I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize