The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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