She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
