Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
