I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
