Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
