it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
