I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
