The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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