i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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