so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize