You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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