I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
