when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
