if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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