you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
