What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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