Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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