what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
