My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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