Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize