No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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