please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
