I will die if light touches me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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