Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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