come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
