I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize