Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
