Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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