I think my fart just growled at me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
