The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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