He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
