Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
