i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm bleeding and have questions
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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