i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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