There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm too high and old for this...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
