did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
