Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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