I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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