carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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