is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
