We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
