Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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