I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
