I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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