she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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