just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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