booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
