Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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