I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
