How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i love accidental penises.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What a dumb baby whore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
